Never send to know for whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee.

晚上在码头旁边的Bar发呆，好奇Google了一下挪威的人口，结果发现居然整个国家的人居然比长沙城还少。

似乎明白了why the depression and suicide rate is quite high here.

其实 Bryggen 这个码头很出名，主要是因为海边的这一排彩色房子。（拍照的时候我甚至没有发现其中一个是假的（笑） 应该是在维修）

和 xys 聊天，她问我为什么其中没有蓝色的房子。老实说，的确把我问住了。我也不知道为什么没有蓝色的房子。不过一个可能的猜测是挪威人把房子刷成五颜六色的一个原因就是为了对抗北欧（尤其是寒冬时候）的孤独，毕竟卑尔根和伦敦一样也是雨城，一年三百六十五天有两百多天在下雨，暖色调无疑会比冷色调给人更多幸福感。

今天是冬令时的第一天，醒来的时候我都没意识到这一点，还在疑惑为什么明明睡了很久早上。起来却还是九点钟。但在下午五点的海边，太阳逐渐落下来，即使是在 Bryggen 码头这个像是彩色童话的地方，沉默依旧不放过每个身在挪威的人。

【在飞机上杂七杂八的胡言乱语，没有校对。Please skip it if it makes you feel bad】

今天又刷到帖子，别人的一些生活故事，about his 2yrs of long-distance between America and Korea, which ends at 3am in Korea, in his 3rd visit this year, after an long continental flight. 其实这帖子几个月前我就看到过，但不知道为什么几个月过去，里面的描述仿佛刻在脑海里一般挥之不去。帖子里说最开始 they agreed to embrace radical transparency towards each other and also a vow to keep calling each other，但 when the girl decided to end she just said there was no point about it and she didn't know the reason either.

Hey, seems like couples in the world are always doing the same damn thing.

我不知道。我不是一个容易走出来的人。Yes we know it's clear that for memories in long term memory system it does have the infinite duration and capacity，忘却不是一件容易的事。但每个人 rehearse 这些记忆的 trigger 不一样，可能有些人能一辈子把这些 memories hide in the corner of ltm，但有些人可能相反。难过的是，我是后者。

我很喜欢朝着大海发呆，望着海鸟来来去去。去年圣诞的时候在英格兰南岸的 Bournemouth，早上五点多海鸟成群结队，和海浪相和着，在初曦的天空上盘旋。同样的事情也发生在苏格兰高地，在阿伯丁，在圣弗朗西斯科，当然还有卑尔根。

But not only in these scenarios those unforgettable memories haunt me. It haunts me in every waking morning and nights.

When you look at the moon, you might find the moon is also gazing at you. Especially when talking about a person whom I know for near ten years, the memories are just like tangling me, and I am so damn silly that don't how to detangle it.

如果想要和过去和解，其实方法无非就是三种。要么去谴责过去，要么去 Embrace other (or go back to the past... if you can)，要么就 Leave it to time.. we all know time heals everything.

Sadly they all don't work for me... 尤其是第一个，我不知道有没有人和我性格很相似。我很少生气，尤其是对 for whom i love，不仅仅是因为绝大部分的事情生气毫无意义，也是因为单纯的 emotional attack does not settle anything. When the wheels is in motion, you can't hit it and expect it will stop. 因此更别说谴责了。

八月份的时候和好朋友打电话，那是在加利福尼亚的深夜，大概 3am，I told her I'm still confused, struggling, and tangled by the last word she said to me when breaking up，然后她告诉我 she's totally wrong and u should forget it asap, never allow it to make you depressed. 但我发现这真的不 workable，甚至比让我忘掉整个一切还要更难。我不理解 why i should denounce her. Even I know the past days after it are the worst I've (ironly I always have this feeling every year), the days since we first met are still the ulmost warmist in my life. 我承认我怀念它，我发自内心地抵触去谴责它。Why expect the life will be better by demoting those happiness parts?

飞机快要降落 Gatwick，我想我也该停笔了。Norwegian 这破公司的 WiFi 整条航路上都说搜不到卫星... 还不如干脆就别开，做好事。

其实我很共情之前看到的那个帖子，虽然我知道共情本身是一个真值始终为假的命题，但似乎我也可以无限试图去接近它。

"Therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee."

I don't know if writing these things down makes me feel better, but at least

This is my story.

THE FLIGHT IS NOW LANDED IN LONDON, AND ITS RAINING OUTSIDE.